Everyone knows that travel and relationships go hand in hand. You go on vacation to get closer to the people you travel with right?
You only travel with friends you like. Or significant others you want to have a deeper relationship with. Or to re-connect with your kids and spouse.
And supposedly when you travel together, you end up happier and more bonded in your relationship at the end. Right?
It seems like common sense, but the more I’ve been thinking about it…the more I’ve wondered, is that really true? Or is it something we just assume?
The nurse in me wanted some actual evidence of what travel does to our relationships.
My favorite inspirational books and podcasts use science and research to show what is actually true (The Happiness Lab is one of my favorite about how to use science to be more resilient and happy!)
So is there science about travel and our relationships?? Yes!
There is some great research being done that explores how travel affects our relationships, and I’ve been POURING over it!!
It’s really interesting stuff guys! (I’ll link the studies down below)
I’ve complied the findings of how travel affects our relationships into major categories; romantic relationships, family relationships and friend relationships.
As well as the negative impacts travel can have on our relationships (and what to do to help prevent it).
How travel effects our romantic relationships
You hear the advice all the time… “Need to reconnect with your significant other? Go on a romantic getaway!”
I know from my own experience (and from the many people that share their stories with me) that this can really work!
Just before Lincoln was born, Matt and I decided to get away for a “babymoon”. All the baby apps and blogs kept suggesting it, so why not! Problem was… I was REALLY pregnant. Like shoes won’t fit, can’t take a deep breathe without getting kicked in the ribs, might go into labor any day, pregnant. I was so big that an older man saw me and told me “Girl if you fall down a hill, you’ll just keep on rolling!”… thaaaaaanks. (Funny now, not so funny then.) So going anywhere too far was out of the question.
We found a town we had never been to before that had train rides through the Royal Gorge canyon. The roofs were even made of glass so you see from the river below all the way up to the top of the canyon. We visited the top of the Royal Gorge and walked the bridge across. We swam in the hotel pool (swimming is the BEST feeling ever when you’re that pregnant. I highly recommend it. A babymoon is worth it just to stay at a hotel with a pool.)
It was a super simple trip. No big planning or expenses went into it. But it was such a great memory to look back at now and really was a special time we had together when it was still just the two of us.
When I was looking at the research about travel and how it effects our romantic relationships, I was really interested in what it found.
Here’s the data that stood out to me:
- “72% of married respondents say that talking and reconnecting is an important reason to vacation together.” And “couples who travel together are more likely to say that they share similar goals and desires; that they have a good balance of time together and apart; that they have shared hobbies and interests; that they agree on how to spend money; that they laugh and have fun together; that they handle differences well; that their partner is patient; and that they are best friends.”
- “94% of respondents who travel as a couple reported that they feel very close to one another, compared to only 86% of respondents who do not.”
- “65% of those who are very satisfied with their relationships believe that a vacation or weekend getaway is an important way to spark romance.” With a traveling couples reporting higher levels of satisfaction in their sex lives.
- When couples traveled together their communication skills improved, which led to feeling more connected and intimate with their partner. This benefit was seen both on the vacation and when they returned home!
- This enhanced communication is especially important to women as they found that when the better communication is paired with leisure time it helps them cope with stressful events and feel happier in their marriage.
Ok so why does this matter?
It’s not just your friends telling you that a romantic getaway is helpful to building strong romantic relationships, it’s science baby!
Having positive vacations with your significant other really has a positive impact on your relationship. Travel together to build that connectedness and better communication.
Notice I said positive vacations, sometimes travel can negatively effect our relationships. But more on that in a bit.
How travel effects our family relationships
I remember this cruise line commercial from years ago. A family was doing all sorts of fun things on vacation; swimming in the pool, eating at the buffet, singing karaoke. They were all laughing and having a great time, except for the teenage daughter who was on her phone. But with each new thing they do she gets more interested, until she is snorkeling and laughing right along everyone else.
The whole idea they were trying to show was a family vacation could bring the entire family together, even cranky teenagers.
… Well guess what? The science says that this is actually not too far off!
A lot of the research and studies that I found about travel and relationships is that travel has an effect on our family relationships.
Here’s some key findings:
- In one study, the US ranked 18th of 20 countries for vacation days granted and used, with 58% saying this negatively impacted their family life. (Meaning when we are spending more time at the office than with our family, people feel more disconnected with their loved ones.)
- More time spent in leisure activities (which we have a greater percentage of when we travel) enhances the relationship between parents and children, children with children, and parents with each other.
- Travel provides a break from our daily routines, increasing our life satisfaction.
- This reduced daily stress and obligations increased family life satisfaction and physical health.
- Multigenerational (grandparents, parents and kids all traveling together) travel is increasing as more than 5 million US family vacations have three generations.
- Family photos were a positive way to look back and bring back some of the good memories and feelings from the trip. (I also happened to find a way to actually get great family photos on vacation without wanting to pull my hair out!)
So what does this mean?
The families that travel together, stay together.
You aren’t just planning that family vacation because your kids are needing to get out of the house or your mom wants you to. You’re setting yourself up to have better relationships with those people!
So if you feel like your kids just don’t get along or you’re disconnected from your grandma, a trip might be a good step in fixing those things. I know making it a priority to visit my grandma regularly, has been really positive in my life. Even getting to spend time together in 5 generations… yes. FIVE GENERATIONS.
How travel effects our friendship relationships
GIRLS TRIP!! (My mind totally just went to Legally Blonde)
Friend travel is a HUGE new thing that has been growing over the past few years.
Here’s what the research found:
- Women are the most likely to go on trips with their friends, “girl friend getaways”, than men are. (Not super suprising since women usually travel more anyways).
- They are also more likely to choose leisure type vacations (which other research tells us is important for women to feel like they have good communication and connections with the people they are traveling with. This is a positive influence on their relationship both during and after the trip)
- Friend travel happens in nearly every income group
- Friend travel activities tend to focus on fun and bonding things to do. (This totally is in line with my friend who went to a bachelorette party where they went bar hopping in gray wigs, glasses and walkers. They had a BLAST!)
So what does this mean?
There’s less research on this than the others (but may change soon because this group is growing so fast!) but the trend still follows. When you take a vacation with your friends, and you have a good time with them…your relationship grows.
What is also interesting is that some of the research also suggested that taking a friend trip may actually help you grow in your relationship with your partner as well!
The negative side of travel and relationships
But there’s a negative side of travel and relationships too.
We’ve all been on a vacation that completely stresses us out. Or maybe it was that one family reunion where you and your cousin had it out.
- The studies found that when vacations create too much stress and tension, then it can negatively effect our relationships and leave us with unpleasant memories.
So what makes the difference between a vacation that strengthens your relationships and one that hurts them?
It’s how you spend all the extra time with each other.
The research found that if there is a strong mismatch between what different members of the group want to do on the vacation and what they hope to get out of it, then people can be left with strain on the relationships and bad memories.
When we travel we have less distractions and obligations taking us away from the moment and people we are with.
No work, less/no phones, no lunch appoints or play dates or after school activities. Just family time, almost 24/7. There’s not a lot of time to get away and get a break if things start to get stressful.
Add to that the stresses of making sure everything is planned, packed and happening the right way. PLUS the stress of the cost if you’ve gone over your budget.
All together, those bad memories can get pretty strong.
So how do you prevent disagreements and negative events from taking over your vacation?
Flexibility and attitude!
Here’s one horror story turned funny for you. I remember one trip I took with my sister in law and 18 month old Link to Spain. We got bedbugs and the hotel took over 6 hours to help us out. They were horribly rude on the phone, we missed our reservations for the day, Link was screaming for a nap (but we couldn’t lay him down in a bug filled bed), we were covered in bites, and ALL of our stuff was contaminated (we had to dip it all in boiling water or toss it if we couldn’t). We lost an entire day and never got a refund.
We were very upset and chose to spend the evening separate from each other. I took Link and walked around the city and my SIL talked to her family on the phone to vent. But we needed that space to get out our frustrations without taking it out on each other! Now we laugh about how horrible it was!!
Did it ruin our trip? Absolutely not. Will we go back to Spain? Absolutely.
Are we closer because of the trip? 100%.
How have your experiences helped/hurt your relationships? Is this research surprising to you or make common sense?
Here’s the studies if you want to dive in more!
Travel Strengthens Relationships and Ignites Romance
The Benefits of Travel: : Family and Relationships Review of Literature
The girlfriend getaway market: Segmenting accommodation and service preferences
